Dear hummus that I just ate,
Feel free to get comfortable in my belly. Make yourself feel at home. I recognize that my totally FUBAR digestive tract may not offer all of the advantages of some temporary abodes, but it does have certain quaint features that you might begin to think of as slightly charming, if not whimsical. I shall be painfully disappointed if you zip through my body like this morning's granola or the medicine that I'd been looking forward to since last night. It really is rude, even for food, to show such disdain for one's host by making such an obvious and quick exit that there was little point in even visiting in the first place.