Thursday, November 02, 2006

My First Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Fun Things To Do When You Have Incurable Cancer by Bint Alshamsa

1. If you're planning on getting married before you croak, you can always ask the florist for a discount by promising her repeat business in the form of exclusive rights to your up-coming funeral display.

2. Telling a mechanic that you need to get your car repaired so that you can drive to MD Anderson for a last ditch experimental treatment attempt for your incurable cancer is a good way to get him to finish with yours before he even starts on the dozen cars that were there before you.

3. If no one knows that the oncologist says you're in remission, you can get really good presents from your friends by telling them that this might be the last birthday/Eid/Christmas that you'll ever get the opportunity to celebrate and they'll want to make it a really good one for you.

4. You can eat whatever the hell you want. I mean it's not like you have to worry about having clogged arteries fifty years from now.

5. You can get your partner to "secretly" tell everyone at the family reunion that all of the medications you're taking are making you a bit delerious. After that you can go around throughout the day telling everyone who has ever pissed you off exactly what you've thought of them all these years. (Be sure to include a few jibberish statements every now and then to make it more believable.)

6. During chemotherapy, you can sleep for an extra thirty minutes every morning because you don't have to worry about fixing your hair before work.

7. You can surprise all of the radiation technicians by coming to your treatment wearing a bikini and telling them that you're ready for your tanning appointment.

8. When you're in the hospital hooked up to a bunch of tubes and machines, you can have a good laugh at your sibling's expense by telling all of your young neices and nephews that you got like that from eating too many vegetables as a child.

9. You can sleep in on election day. After all, who cares what candidate wins? It's not like you're going to have to live with them for the next couple of years. Or better yet, do go out and vote and tell everyone in line that you've been a life long(name of whatever political party you hate the most) voter but you're using the final election day of your life to vote for the other party because you've finally seen the light and decided to do the right thing for the first time before you die.

10. Having a few cancerous ribs removed from your chest will make it a lot easier to fit into those too-small clothes you've been saving in your closet.

11. You can tell people who don't know about your cancer that you got all of those scars from saving a small child from being mauled by mountain lions because everybody loves a hero.

12. When you go to the grocery store, always wear something that shows your radiation burns and leave your wig at home. Then when you get in the long line, you can ask people if they'd be so kind as to let you go ahead of them because you have to hurry up and get back home to your wife/husband/partner who is even more contagious than you are. I have it on very good authority that this one works great.

13. Make random strangers angry in crowded parking lot by parking in the handicapped spot and then using your cane as your partner as you do the Merengue all the way to the entrance of the building.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Thirteen I Nevers

2. 13 Things I'm Looking Forward to This November>

3. 13 Potential Names For Our New Daughter

4. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Chelle Y. said...

Wow, you have a great attitude! God bless you for that!

nubian said...


you, my dear, are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

That was creative and took alot of time. Easy does it, Bint. I thought I had ovarian cancer the last two weeks and was sure I was going to die. Ovaries ached, nausea, upper belly ache, bloating, extreme exhaustion and indigestion. The doctor said it is probably food poisoning, stress, too much coffee and my period all at once. I get my PAP smear, ultrasound, CT test and mammogram next week.

Anonymous said...

What a great way to look at things! You're too funny! :)

DK said...

Good to meet you, Bint, and welcome to the Thirteeners! Sounds like you've been through an aweful lot, but I admire your pluck and your spirit. Will send prayers up, and good wishes your way! Have a fun and restful weekend and drop by my blog anytime.

Anonymous said...

You are wonderful. I wish people who are NOT living with incurable cancer had half your humour and spirit. How much better the world would be. Love to you. DD

Colleen Gleason said...

God bless you, Bint. A lively, enlightening look at a situation that's out of your control.

I enjoyed it and thanks for coming by my TT.

Unknown said...

very interesting

Mine is up! Please stop by to vote for our daughters name!!!

Kevin Andre Elliott said...

This is great, Bint. You rock like none other.

Anonymous said...

Love your sense of humor. BTW dancing in the parking lot with a walker also gets quite a response. Stop by my 13 @

Anonymous said...

bint, you crack me up. i love it!

btw, did you know that the link to "thirteen election day quotes" goes to an Isreali military supporter's site? i think they're a pro-Zionist Christian. creepy. i know you probably don't get to pick the links, just thought it was odd.

bint alshamsa said...

Uh, I can definitely do something about that, VK. Thanks for the heads up.

I'm glad you got a kick out of my silliness.

Anonymous said...

ah, now we just sit back and wait for some asshole to charge us with censoring:)

bint alshamsa said...

Oh, I hope no one who stops here is under the impression that this is some sort of free-for-all where I have to give them a soapbox to stand on even if I disagree with them. That just ain't gonna happen.

belledame222 said...


Anonymous said...


What a wonderful sense of humor. As a recent breast cancer survivor, I totally agree w/#6. Wish I'd thought of 3, 5, 7, and 12! Best wishes for your health and God bless.

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