Saturday, April 29, 2006

Kilimanjaro's Moth

If you read this, Sister Kili, I hope you understand.
Even if no one else does, I think you will.

I am becoming.
Underneath the petri dish,
They pick and prod and gape
At my splayed organs,
Comparing and staring.
What to do with this throbbing, pulsing anomaly?
I am a threat to their notions of normality.
Don't they understand that becoming must hurt?
In a dream, the ghost of Newton said
There is nothing new under the sun.
No gris-gris in a golden-orange bottle
Can alter what the universe has prescribed.
Hubble's galaxies are creating room for me.
They await my arrival.
Underneath flourescent lights
My chrysalis is forming.
When next they peel these blankets back
This feathery, fluttering in my chest
Will unfold before them,
Pushing them away and drawing them in.
Until Ishvara's breath kisses me,
Lifts me
From this spent casing,
Carries me
To the doorway of the unknown.
From there, the journey is mine to decide.

14 comments:

Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

Bint, my dear sweet sister, I read this multiple times.

sis, HOW BEAUTIFUL! I WISH I COULD SEE YOU. I closed my eyes a few minutes to take in the visual...wanting to feel every single word and i felt it everywhere. My thoughts are scattered so forgive me if I seem all over the place!!


I'm crying. Because you understand. I felt it as soon as I read the 1st line. That's my mother dear. You must let me print this out and post it. "I am a threat to their notions of normality." When my mums received her first masectomy, her doctor didn't care and carelessly cut her her body open and stitched her up any kind of way( you know how they are with poor Black women );therefore, her body never properly healed--she had lots of scar tissue and keloids develop on her chest area. She had at least 8-10 different doctors and whenever she'd disrobed,I looked into her eyes and you could see the discomfort and shame. Then I'd check out the doctors' face and they would have a very stoned face look, which would be overshadowed by looks of disgust; esp, when they touched her chest and would make stoopid comments like "wow...its looks like you've beeen burned." but i never thought she looked "abnormal." I looked at her chest area as her unique marking/ her Artemis stripe....it's was beautiful and something i could never forget. i only wish that i could make her feel "normal" again and beautiful. i wish i could get her to actually talk about her chest....express what was in her heart.

"hubbles galaxies are creating room for me. They await my arrival
Underneath flourescent lights
My chrysalis is forming."

Beautiful Bint. What a visual you've created in my mind. Comforting to say the least, like being unexpectedly hug when lonely.what a way to look at transistioning. quite beautiful. thank you


something else. im not sure what the terminology is for the state a person goes in right before they pass away. my mother was in this fixated state, eyes wide open, she could not move, she jumped once when my sister called her name. she was in this state for about 5 hours before she passed away, then they covered her with a blanket..that is what i thought of when i read this:
"When next they peel these blankets back
This feathery, fluttering in my chest
Will unfold before them,
Pushing them away and drawing them in.
Until Ishvara's breath kisses me,
Lifts me
From this spent casing,
Carries me
To the doorway of the unknown"

that is soooo so beautiful Bint. i say this over and over again,but emails/comments etc don't often convey emotion, but I am so very thankful for you!!!!!! so very thankful for your thoughtfulness. so very thankful that we connected and are continuing to connect!!!! i will make the time to be online because I NEED to read your blog. thank you so much for this!!! and YES I totally understand. i honor you sister...for your strength, courage, beauty, brilliance at this very moment. women like you (ahhhhh) warm me and make me so thankful, just for your presence. i know i'm going on and on (plse forgive me) but I truly appreciate you sharing this. you can't possibly know what reading this has done for me, but it's comfort me in a way that I wasn't comforted before reading it. ooOOOOo this is why i love women. thank you sis!!!

"From there, the journey is mine to decide."

ASHE sis!!! and what a journey it is. thank you. i appreciate you sharing this

much love.
xoxoxxo
India.

Bint Alshamsa said...

Kili/India,

Print it. Post it. Do whatever you please. It is my gift to you. One of the things that makes Cancer so hard to deal with is that, so often, I am unable to be a giver. It is a depressing reality. So, being able to do/make anything for you, my sister, is my own selfish delight. :)

It seems that you did indeed understand everything I wrote. I know it is not a club that you wanted to be a member of and I wish that you never had to but, all the same, I am thankful to the Heavens that our paths have intertwined. Don't us sisters do better when we have each other?

-bint (who's suddenly feeling shy)

brownfemipower said...

ok girls, i'm boo hooing all over here, hand me some damn Kleenex!!!!!!!

::bfp snorts into kleenex, wipes eyes::

i'm sorry, i didn't mean to interupt, i just wanted to let you know i was here, ready to love on both you...

xoxo

Bint Alshamsa said...

Hey, don't you go crying Femmi! It's already my moon week, so I'm ready to sob at the drop dime myself.

Seriously, I'm very glad that you read it too. Today I came across a quote from the Bible that made me think of you.

"There are 'friends' who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother."

Isn't it funny how the religious quotes always remind me of you? Even though you claim that you aren't "religious", I find you to be more spiritual than most of the people who would readily claim that label applies to them.

Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

:::takes tsoiled kleenex from bfp and wipes face


i am going to put this in a matt frame and add it to my meditation space.

"Don't us sisters do better when we have each other?"

yes! we need each other...can't do it alone. i aint no strong black woman no mo'....we need exchange, communal spaces..communities...hugs...split pea soup (all of that)! i responded to yr comment and meant every single word. i'll be back tonight-cant wait to continue reading!!!!!!

brownfemipower said...

ok, time for a radical woc circle hug, come here my sistahs ::bfp pulls bint and kili close:: (((((hugs)))))


bint--you don't know how much your words mean to me. i only hope that i can find some way to return to you the peace you have given to me. life's still rough, but i have tools now, that i never had before, so peace is carrying me through the rough spots... i read your letters to me all the time and write about them in my journal and little by little, they are becoming a part of me, not just a dream i never heard of before. you know? xoxo

Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

i'm creating an alter which will dub as a meditation space. it will be finished in approx two weeks. i'd like to send you a picture to your private email acct when i'm done. this space will include your poem in a matted frame, so it's definitely something i'd like you to see. i'd be so honored. peace. kili

Tigera Consciente said...

Ok you queens got me cryin here too!! Blint, I was brought here through killimanjaro's blog.. I had to come and see.. I'm so touched by the exchange and moved by both of your words.. Yall got me thinkin bout my sweet mama too... Damn I really wish I could be in a room will al you beautiful women out here so I could stand back watch yall and just ball out cryin from all the beauty... Blint, I'm def linking you on my blog.. I need to come by your words frequently as well... Thank you for being who u are and doing what u do...

Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

i wanted you to know that ive read this so many times that i know most of it by hard. how about that!!!! :)

nubian said...

man, i'm loving the community that has been created.

this is why i love women

Bint Alshamsa said...

Wow! I never would have imagined getting such sweet feedback from so many women that I admire. I've often wished that I had more profound things to say like so many of the other women in the Radical Women Of Color blogring so I am absolutely thrilled that you all would even take the time to come and visit and even leave comments at my blog.

Kili, Femi, Tigera, Nubian:

Thank you so much for blessing my space with your presence. My life is infinitely richer for having encountered you all.

ASH said...

Even though I'm the only male posting here (so far). I'm glad to see such powerful and strong women. Keep on keeping on and I will stand back in admiration.

belledame222 said...

...wow. so powerful. thank you for sharing that. that really...hits. if not home, then somewhere in the neighborhood...and I think that place is always nearer than we think...

Blackamazon said...

*SNIFFLE* SOB

I'd say something else but really I have nothing but that