Saturday, March 25, 2006

My Body With Cancer: The Introduction

Yesterday I looked at my body in the mirror after getting out of the shower. I was a little eager to do so because I've lost a couple of pounds and I was really happy about that. Maybe you're thinking that's not really a big deal but it is for me. Because I require surgery every couple of years or so, it's important that I keep my weight down so that I don't add to the risks involved in already delicate and dangerous procedures. In the past six months I managed to put on a few pounds mostly due to my stomach problems. In order to keep my stomach from totally erupting when I take some of my medications, I have to eat a lot of food. I try to make sure it's healthy food but I'm not always mindful of this. Incidentally, to anyone who takes narcotics and still has trouble stomaching them despite being on Prilosec or Nexium: Try eating an apple when you take your narcotics. I've found them to be the most perfect food for helping keep your stomach calm. Note: Please don't take this advice if you're on chemotherapy and have been told not to eat fresh fruit or vegetables.

Well, I suppose I should get back on topic. When I looked in the mirror I also saw that one of my scars has gotten bigger. It made me want to cry. I used to love my back. It was absolutely gorgeous. Before the cancer, I had no scars on my body at all, none. I would always get compliments on my gorgeous skin. However, the assault on my body started with my first surgery and has been ongoing ever since then. I thought this would be a really short message but as I started to write I found that I actually had a lot to say, so I've decided to break it up into several posts.

4 comments:

brownfemipower said...

bint--i've been following what you are saying--this is so intensly powerful. I'm not going to muddle your space with an ill informed comment--i'm just letting you know, that i'm reading you, i am thinking about you--and i am so glad you are feeling strong enough to put this out there.

Kilimanjaro: High and Lo said...

sis,

thank you for being honest. sharing your truth. i agree with everything bfp said. you're so beautiful and reading your post makes me about my mommy, who passed away recently from breast cancer. personally i love scars on women, i think they're beautiful actually. like, serious passionate love scars on women. i'm thinking of you and sending you a hug from atlanta sis. be whereever you are right now with your body. when you're ready, hopefully you will find a healthier way to see your body/scars et al. i'm not nuts or anything, but i wish i could see them. that's just how much i personally love scars and the stories behind them. i recently wrote something about scars

Alli said...

Binti years ago I had surgery for scoloiosis. I have a scar from the top of my spine to the base. Plus I have a scar on my hip where a bone was removed for fusing. I have had 4 breast surgeries having lumps removed The most recent in January. I had a biopsy last week. I used to look at my body as being ugly and marked. But as I get older I can put a new face on them They may be scars, they may not leave my skin flawless but these scars still allow me to have a good productive life.... A scar never represents ugliness, but a mark of survival.... You are a beautiful young woman.....

Bint Alshamsa said...

Alli,

Thank you so much for talking about your struggle and how you've found meaning in your scars. I try to tell myself that they are my "war wounds" but it's not always easy to convince myself. It's something I'm still working on and I don't know if I'll ever be completely comfortable with them but I do hope so.