"Other" Girls

Sloane Cornelius, one of my beautiful WOC friends, shared this today and it sparked a good conversation. We both viewed it and got very different messages. I think that both of them are really worthy of discussion.

She pointed out how it was useful because it addressed the reality that many women often feel the need to put down other women in order to make themselves feel special. Ain't that the truth! It drives me nuts when I hear women say things like "All of my friends are men, because women are too _____ for me to be close to them" or make claims asserting that they are better than the "average" woman. That's so unnecessary and Sloane was right when she pointed out how it's patriarchy in action. Enforcing patriarchal notions don't benefit women like me and the ones in my life. I don't know where I'd be if I excluded women from my support system. However, there have been many times in my life when the women around me were the only folks who stood by my side, let me cry on their shoulders, and had first-hand experience with my particular struggles. I suppose I could live without them, but why would I want to? The women I love enrich my life.

At the same time, I found a few things problematic about this particular picture and, to be honest, I'm not really feeling it. See, I'm not like other girls, but it isn't because I have notions about what girls are supposedly like. It's just the truth. Not all girls are like me. Why shouldn't I set myself apart? Why should any girl want to be seen as basically interchangeable? This seems some real hegemonic crap.

I definitely support the destruction of patriarchy, but I don't want us to substitute it with cheer-leading Western hegemony. The picture claims that "Patriarchy has created this culture" and that's just not true. Patriarchy is incapable of creating anything. All it does is degrade cultures. That statement also assumes that we're all living in the same culture. We're not.

Furthermore, cultures are created by embracing differences. If we listen to the command "Do not set yourself apart", then who gets to decide what's the norm and what's apart from that norm? Considering the way that this picture completely ignores race and colonialism, even as it proceeds to make comments about what's legitimate culture, it's a pretty safe bet that it's being written from a White, Western, middle class woman's perspective. White Western middle class women dictating what's legitimate culture are never acting in the interests of WOC, especially not our young girls who are so vulnerable already.

I don't think this picture really benefits young White girls either. They deserve to know that they don't need to  "be like the other girls". It's completely okay to have their own ideas about what's right and wrong even if most girls have different beliefs. They shouldn't have to believe that they need to be like other girls in order for them to be true revolutionaries.

Swaddling Children: Is it criminal abuse or simply a violation of White Western sensibilities?

Today I read two articles about parenting issues. The first was about the practice of swaddling babies and the second goes into detail about how two daycare owners who swaddled children are being charged with child abuse.

Swaddling: A Common Parenting Practice Under Fire

Daycare owners arraigned in California swaddling case

This is an extremely problematic prosecution. They may have violated some people's ideas about what constitutes proper swaddling, but is that enough to make swaddling something that can't or shouldn't go on at that age? From the studies, the idea that swaddling is bad stems from the idea that there should be more skin to skin contact between babies and mothers. The idea that babies who are swaddled would get less skin-to-skin contact than those who aren't swaddled really depends on the culture and family practices. The studies don't seem to be applicable outside of a very White, Western framework, because critics haven't taken the time to study it outside of that framework.

In this story, there are multiple issues. I think it's ridiculous to charge them for abuse for several reasons. Babies allowed to sleep on their side could also come to harm that might have been preventable. If the government prosecutes people who haven't harmed their babies based on the idea that something COULD happen, then it would be justifiable to charge every mom who has ever fallen asleep in bed with their baby after breastfeeding, every parent that used formula instead of breast milk, every grandparent who positioned a baby on their stomach for nap time, every caregiver that introduced solid foods before the recommended age, et cetera. All of these people are violating "best practices" according to the most popular view in one particular culture (i.e. White Western America). But it's a whole other matter to call it abuse when no harm was done.

I mean, what's a "heavy duty knot"? It wasn't heavy duty enough to injure any of the children. "Heavy duty" is so vague that ANY parent that swaddles a baby could be charged with that. The articles mention that the women sometimes put blankets over the heads of the babies. I know I certainly put blankets over my child many times. It was certainly better than leaving her exposed to the elements and environment (e.g. other people's kids coughing over her and trying to touch her, smoke blowing in her face, rain falling directly on her, people getting too close as she was trying to nap). At what age does that become a criminal act?

My baby seemed to fall asleep better when I played loud songs for her. Perhaps it's because she was used to hearing lots of music since we had a saxophonist practicing in the house every day. If I played Bird Parker or Coltrane a few feet from her crib, she'd fall fast asleep. Other babies might be inconsolably agitated with the same treatment. What's comforting/comfortable depends on what the child is used to. It's not particularly scientific to judge what a baby finds comforting by basing it on what certain other babies prefer. I don't think there's a single parent in this country who hasn't violated "best practices" or done something with their baby that would terrify some other baby. I just don't think that means they/we should all be charged with child abuse.

My Relationship Patterns are Troubling me

I am looking forward to the day when I no longer remember what it felt like to be a part of a couple. Just a couple of weeks ago, I had an uncomfortable realization that led to lots of questions that I don't know how to answer. Most of the people I've ever been in relationships have been mixed-race/mixed-ethnic/multiracial people. In my entire life, I have only had relationships with 3 monoracial-identifying people. What does THAT mean? I want to believe that I have no preference for one over the other, but...I wonder if there's something about me that makes monoracial folks disinclined to express any attraction toward me. Even though I am multiracial, almost no one who just saw me (without my family around) would likely perceive me as anything other than Black. So it would have to be related to something that I do or maybe the way I talk about certain things. I don't even know how to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Honestly, with all of the race-related crap that I've been going through, I'm really wishing that I could meet a person who doesn't have the same kind of identity issues that I already face in my own family. I'm not even looking for a partner. I'd just like to be able to find people that could potentially be more than a friend, if that was something I felt ready to consider. So, I don't want to be doing something that's going to drive away the kind of people that I want to attract. I'm feeling like a lost puppy right about now.

Tough Girl

Heck yeah!

White Terrorists are still Terrorists

So, this guy decides to participate in a couple of arsons because he thinks this is going to benefit the earth and he wants to prove a point to those who work there, own the businesses, or live nearby. That makes him as much of a terrorist as many of the other folks that the USA has given that label. He pled guilty and went to jail. Then he starts trying to break even more laws and gets caught plotting to violate the policies that make it possible for other incarcerated people to have access to justice.

It is estimated, according to CCR, that 72% of the population at the Marion CMU is Muslim, 1,200% “higher than the national average of Muslim prisoners in federal prison facilities.” The Terre Haute CMU population is “approximately two-thirds Muslim,” an overrepresentation of 1,000%.” These statistics include African Americans who have converted to Islam and prisoners who are of Middle Eastern descent. They show the war on Muslims is not limited to racial profiling, warrantless surveillance and preemptive prosecutions but also include a sinister form of punishment, where they are isolated for indefinite periods for engaging in freedom of speech that condemns the prison or other US government agencies and policies.

This is why I could really care less about McGowan. The guy is STILL trying to break more laws while he's in prison and we're supposed to have sympathy for him? I think I'll reserve that for the folks who are being treated this way DESPITE the fact that they haven't done the stuff that McGowan is trying to get away with. Now that it happened to a white guy we're supposed to care? If you haven't been complaining about this when it was happening to other people, then you really shouldn't expect them to care when it happens to you or the folks you prefer to advocate for.

Dante's Inferno Placed me in Purgatory

As if I needed something more to affirm how boring my life is right now...


The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repending Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8 - The Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Christianity as an African Spiritual Tradition

My thoughts keep returning to the subject of Christianity's origins. In the beginning, Christianity was an African religion that formed from other African spiritual traditions. No one ever explained this to me in all of my years of church attendance as a child and young adult. When we talked about the cities mentioned in the Bible no one ever mentioned where these cities were located. Since many names changed over time, we had no way to identify them on modern maps. I wonder how different those stories would have seemed to me if those verses that contained city names also noted where those places were located.

When it spoke about Babylon how hard would it have been for someone to at least include a footnote mentioning that it was located in what is now Iraq? Nobody at our church ever told me that Bethlehem and Nazareth were in Palestine. All I can do is imagine how I might have connected with Jesus as a Palestinian. What if most Americans grew up being taught in their churches that Jesus was Palestinian? I'm convinced that we'd see the occupation by the apartheid state of Israel in a very different light.

A woman at my church was visiting her daughter and she overheard a conversation I was having with a white church member whose patron saint is African (St. Moses the Ethiopian). She came over and told me that she wanted to send me a book that she thought I might like. A few weeks later, I received "An Unbroken Circle" and a lot of it resonated with me. It wasn't that the book contained a lot of new information. Instead, it helped me to think about Christianity apart from whiteness.

Joining the Orthodox church has been a reclamation of Christianity as an Eastern religion, as an African spiritual tradition. This African tradition is over 2,000 years old and throughout that period, Africans have been writing about it and analyzing it and molding it. I don't need the European weaponized and warped version of Christianity that attempted to separate the religion from its roots and then scrub away any connection to Africa and its people. To be honest, I'm not required to care what any white person has to say about Christianity. I could restrict my studies to just the sayings of the Desert Fathers and Mothers and other Africans and get a complete understanding of Christianity. So I just don't see any reason to accept the genocidal, non-contextual, and culturally appropriated usage of Christianity as representative of the entire religion. Christianity is a part of my inheritance as a woman of African heritage. That's something that I try to keep in mind when I see all of the damage that has been wrought by Europeans who try to claim our religion as their own and then force it on others who have their own spiritual inheritance.

Quvenzhané and the Wild Beast of White Privilege

I truly appreciate all of the people of color who've spoken out against the disgusting, racist, sexualizing of Quvenzhané Wallis. Tonight I watched "Beasts of the Wild". I was so proud to see this gorgeous brown/bronze black girl radiating a soul so bright that no one could deny her brilliance. This little gem who shares my hometown and culture(s) lifted my spirits. The other characters also reminded me of my roots...the accents, the names, the blend of Indigenous American, African, and French heritage expressed by their DNA. Even the poverty it depicted filled me with a sense of pride. That might sound bizarre, but it's OUR particular meld of decay and neglect and it can't be found anywhere else. So, it's also precious to me. All of it feels like "home".

Seeing Quvenzhané in the movie made these insults sting even more. I'm so furious that the forces and defenders of white privilege won't even let this one brilliant little black child experience a sense of dignity and strength without making sure she knows she will always be available to any white man who wants her, in any way that he wants her. It makes me feel really embarrassed and impotent, because I'm a woman who was once a little girl from New Orleans who grew up with white men who made sure I understood the same thing but I couldn't prevent it or shield her from it any more than I was able to shield my own child from it.

I realized that these "jokes" weren't just meant for Quvenzhané. They were meant to send a message to all people of color. They mean to degrade us by inducing feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. They behave as if we don't even have a right to our anger. Even the (mostly self-appointed) white allies push/demand this "benefit of the doubt" that we are supposed to extend to any white man who they are unwilling to confront or defy. It's not even a surprise anymore to see them grow indignant at the very idea that they should want to disassociate and withdraw support for their treasured institutions (e.g. hipster satirical "news" sources, Hollywood).

This shit repeats itself so often that people of color barely have time to recover from one disgusting episode to the next. I feel as if there's a certain amount of spiritual fatigue that we also have to manage like some chronic syndrome left over from the other diseases they've used to cull us into a more manageable state. When I feel as if I don't have enough words or energy to express my revulsion about a particular episode, it helps to see someone else giving it the warranted attention. When that person faces exhaustion from beating back the scourge of white privilege, my hope is that I can replace them on the front line.